take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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