Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize
