i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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