If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
last night I used snow as a chaser
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize