he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
