When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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