I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
