Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Randomize
