You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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