Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
