You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
i believe in u and ur pee
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