I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
