i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
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