Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
