I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
