I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
