Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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