if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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