tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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