We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
