those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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