you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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