Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
