Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
