shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Randomize
