so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize