I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
