So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
