you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
