My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
