is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
