If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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