Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
