glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
