Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
When did we convert life to cartoon?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
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