Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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