so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
