Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
