Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
