That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
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Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
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Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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