3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
