Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
