and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
