woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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