I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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