I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
