You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
