omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
