Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
