So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
