I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
