I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
