bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
