last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
