I need help removing her.
I wish you could order shots online.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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