Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
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