i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I love having hate sex.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
false alarm, still single
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