You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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