what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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