So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
