mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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