I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
