I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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