oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
You've changed since you got that strap on
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
