I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
