you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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