Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
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