Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
